The Letter

*This story is based on characters and other elements from titles in the Mass Effect universe which are owned by EA and Bioware.  I do not claim any legal ownership.*

Shepard’s neck and back were beginning to ache from the hours she had spent leaning over her desk. She stared down at the unfinished letter trying to will the words to come. This was not the first time she had written a letter of condolences.  She had done one for the Jenkins family not that long ago. This one was different though.

Shepard had moved a lot during her childhood due to both of her parents serving in the Alliance and never had many friends. She had learned early on the frequent moves were made easier if she had few people to say goodbye to. Serving on the Normandy had been the same in the beginning. She was cordial, but professional. She had a job to do and the mission always came first. Now everything was different. Not only had she become friends with most of the crew, she had become very close to two of them in particular.

Ash had not just been a soldier under her command, but had become a true friend as well. She knew this was where the real trouble with finishing the letter lay. Ash had not simply been killed in the line of duty. Shepard had chosen to leave a true friend in order to save the man she loved. The feelings of guilt tore at her. She knew given the chance to go back she would make the same decision again. She tried to tell herself she had saved Kaidan because he out ranked Ash and he was the one guarding the bomb, but she knew the truth. She had fallen in love with Kaidan and she would never have left him.

Shepard took a deep breath and tried to refocus her mind on the letter. Admiral Hackett would have sent an official letter to the Williams family after Saren’s defeat, but they deserved to hear from her commander as well. That was the very least she could do. She wanted them to know how much Ash would be missed. Shepard’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her cabin door opening.

Kaidan walked in quietly and leaned against the wall behind her. “You have been at that for a while.”

Shepard looked at the half written letter and nodded.

“Maybe you should take a break for a while.”

Shepard took a deep breath, “No, they have already waited too long for this.”

He walked up behind her and began to gently massage her neck.

Shepard felt the warmth of his hands and allowed herself to forget about the letter for a moment. She desperately wanted to simply loose herself in his touch, but she knew that would not help with guilt she was feeling. She placed a hand gently on his, “I need to finish this.”

He slid his hands slowly down to her shoulders before leaning in and kissing the nape of her neck. His lips on her neck sent a shiver down her spine. “I will come back and check on you later”, he said softly as he turned to leave.

“Kaidan…do you ever worry…” her words trailed off.

Kaidan looked at her quietly for a moment.

She stood up and walked over to him.

He took her hands and squeezed them gently as she looked up at him.

“Do you ever worry that by the time the threat of the Reapers is done we will have lost everything we were fighting to save,” Shepard asked softly. 

He thought back to when the Normandy had been grounded. Kaidan had found her alone and slumped against her lockers. It had been the only time she had ever looked vulnerable to him, until now.

Kaidan smiled at her. “Everything will be fine”.

She playfully shook her head. “Trained you, have I?”

He laughed, “I wouldn’t go that far.” “We will get through this Shepard, after all you promised me some joint shore leave and I plan to collect.” 

Shepard smiled warmly at him.

He kissed her softly on her lips. “I will always be here for you Shepard.” With that he left her to the quiet of her cabin and to the duty of finishing her letter.

As she sat back down at her desk she realized this was why she had fallen so hard for him. He was always there for her. There were plenty of people who were there to support Shepard the Commander, but he was one of the very few who was there to support Shepard the woman. She had a feeling she would need him more than ever in the trials to come.